Grateful

*WARNING - may be whiny.

Lately I've been having kind of an "off" time.

We have this big evaluation coming up on Monday to become part of a ballet association which means in May we would be traveling to go to a conference in Washington! I'm doing a variation by myself as part of the evaluation. Shayla doesn't seem like a crazy person but (and I'm not being modest, I'm being perfectly honest) there are other people in the class that can do the variation better than me. I've been nervous because I've been working really hard on it and it still isn't where I want it to be.

I'm finding out that Steve is traveling a whole lot more than we thought he would. It's good and bad... the money is nice but I really miss my husband. I used to tell myself when he was gone that it would all soon be over and I would have my husband back and everything would go back to normal but I'm finding out that him being gone is sometimes just as normal as him being home.

I know this is kind of gross but my bunions have been killing me this last week. We have a new choreographer this week and it's very difficult to do your best and impress the choreographer when every time you go up on pointe you want to scream! Plus Lilly had a fever on Tuesday so I wasn't allowed to take her to daycare (even though it turned out to just be a teething fever) so for one of the days of choreography I was basically sitting in the back playing with my daughter.

So there you have it... whinefest 2000.... and yes I would like a little cheese with my whine.

The only thing that has been getting me through this is gratitude. I can't believe where I was just 6 months ago. My husband hated his job and I was sitting on my butt. We both have such amazing opportunities before us. Steve is doing seriously amazing at his job. And he LOVES it. And it's totally ok for him to love to travel. Sure he misses us a lot! But there is something about Steve that most people don't find too hard to understand...He is the friendliest person on the earth and he loves meeting new people and making friends all over the place so this job is really cool for him. Plus he is doing SOO good at it. The only reason he is gone so much is because everyone always requests Steve to go because he is the best one! And even though he has been gone a lot I feel like our relationship has gotten a lot better in general (due to a few attitude changes that we have both made lately!) Even though he is gone he still makes a point to talk to me AND Lilly EVERY day. Even if that means I keep him from an hour of sleep! I'm so grateful I have the best husband ever.

And as far as my dancing goes.... 6 months ago I believed that I was still done dancing and that I would never go back. I have to look back and see what happened to get me where I am right now... I'm sitting here complaining about my feet and how bad they hurt when really... when I look at the big picture.. I am grateful for that pain... well really I'm grateful for the opportunity to have the pain. Because 6 months ago my feet were perfectly fine...And I was bored. My life is so exciting now! And my foot pain is a part of the ups and downs of the best roller coaster ride!

Even though I still think she is crazy... Shayla has given me such an opportunity with this variation. She sees something in me that is worth showing to an evaluator... I'm so grateful to have such an amazing teacher!

And I am seriously grateful for my family... Lilly and Steve have made so many sacrifices to make this work and are happy to do it and I just think, man, I'm going through a rough time right now but I seriously think I'm the luckiest person ever, and when I really look at my life... I'm the happiest person ever as well!