Monday, February 22, 2010

Apologies for the ramblings...

I have a confession... I LOVE to stalk blogs... especially this last week or two I've been doing it more and more.
By the stalking is not creepy at all.. the blogs I follow are more professional than personal. (even though the professions they have have a lot to do with their personal life.. cooking, sewing, photography, design, crafts...) these people are more writers than anything...

I've done it in the past... but not a lot.. only when I was working on a craft or looking for a recipe.
A couple of weeks ago I was doing a LOT of research on finding the camera I wanted to buy. There is a lot of money going into this camera so I wanted to be sure I got what I wanted. I did research on all sorts of review websites and then I got into the photography forums and then I found my way into blogs. A lot of photographers have blogs and I have found myself looking at them whenever I'm on the computer.. Not only photography blogs, but there are furniture blogs and sewing blogs and cooking blogs that I love to read! I have several that I read but this one is my favorite.

I know it sounds like a big waste of time, but these women inspire me! I know I'm busy but I don't take that as an excuse to ditch out on my motherly and wifely duties...And in reality I love to cook, and to bake, and to sew, and I love to craft and make things. Reading these blogs and reading the stories they tell of their busy crazy lives gives me the confidence and the motivation to get into my own little apartment and make something beautiful... cookies, photos, a tutu for my girl, an organized closet.. whatever it may be.. but I have really been inspired to love what I have, and make the most of it.

I know this is a random post in the midst of my daughters sickness and everything, but this is why I bring this up. I stayed home from school today to be with my daughter, as did Steve. Normally, I would sit on the couch, and watch tv, and think of it as a break from my life, and not get anything done that would help my family.

But instead, today I made a giant pot of homemade chicken soup (without a recipe... I have it tucked away in the back of my head for such an occasion) baked chocolate chip cookies from scratch, as well as some muffins for breakfast the rest of the week WITH my daughter who LOVED watching me stir the mixes and helped me pour the ingredients in the bowls, helped Lilly draw a picture for daddy with a pencil, a blue marker, and some glitter pens (we really need some toddler crayons or markers or something, her hands are covered with the blue marker) did some laundry, and caught up on my dishes. Plus I looked up some plans for some things we will be needing in the near future...  (this does not mean I'm pregnant.. keep dreaming!) I think I'm going to make Steve build us an entertainment center... I'm too cheap to buy one and I think we'll love it so much more if we make it ourselves.. and I think it will be good for Steve to do some work with his hands! That and I'm looking into making/buying-if-making-is-too-hard slipcovers for our couches. Our space needs more color! And I found a way to get color on the walls without painting... here's a sample:

Only I don't think I'll do as many and they will probably be bigger so they have more of a wallpaper effect than a small picture effect. We'll see how it goes. I'll do pictures when/if I actually do them.

Anyway, I did all this stuff and I still had time to spend time sitting on the couch with Lilly watching Disney movies and just loving her like crazy!

And not only that but I had strength today. I'm sorry if this is weird (quick read of the quote on my header) I have been having a really hard time lately. Remember my crazy phobia... (if you don't know about it... look up the word emetophobia.. and that's me.. for real, I'm not exaggerating) well for the longest time I thought I had come really close to being normal.. to beating it.. but after our pizza incident back in the fall, it's slowly crept back. And it's been almost harder to deal with then it ever has before. I honestly can't explain why, but I've lost many a nights' sleep over it in the past couple months. And it's extremely shameful but over Christmas break when my daughter threw up, it was really hard for me to be in the same room as her for the whole next day. I felt like such a failure of a mother...

But today... oh glorious miracles among all the terrible things that happened this weekend... Lilly coughed so hard that she threw up... all over me. Now I'm not saying that was the miracle.. No no... that was one of the terribles... the miracle is this... I immediately looked at Steve, who was already on his way over to take care of it (wonderful husband) I stood up and left the room, stripping my clothes off immediately and by the time I was in my bedroom, I got a chance to think about what had just happened... I looked at my hands.. they were not shaking. I took a mental evaluation and found myself a little alarmed, but completely calm and..


I was completely surprised I wasn't in a full blown panic attack. Literally.. this was a miracle.  I said a quick prayer of gratitude for the strength, got some new clothes on, and then went back out into the living room to find my daughter naked and crying because Daddy wasn't comforting her, but cleaning up the mess (this sounds bad.. but Steve knows that when throw up is involved, it needs to be taken care of REALLY quickly, or I'll go crazy.. was doing right by me.. like I said, good husband)...

She saw me and started walking to me.. I got a little nervous.. not because of the sick, but because I didn't know how I would react.. I didn't know how long this surge of strength would last.. but I knelt down and gave her a great big hug, and kissed her on the forehead. Together we went into the bathroom and I gave her a drink of water and brushed her teeth with a q-tip (didn't want to get her toothbrush dirty). I ran her a bath and put a towel in the dryer so when she got out she would be nice a toasty.. and I sat in the bathroom with her while she played in the water.

The strength didn't go away and even now I'm sitting here with my daughter (who is trying to blog too) knowing that at any moment she could start coughing and throw up again.. and I'm not comfortable with that, but I know that when the time comes God will give me the strength I need.

I've been taught, blessed, strengthened, by God and have been given wonderful examples who empower me everytime I read their stories.. and because of this.. I think I can handle this mommy thing.Anyway.. sorry for the rambling.. just what I've been thinking about lately.

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